Its not a crossroads. Its not just a few small decisions. It is not a question of wifeship or motherhood. It is an elementary quandry of womanhood. How much do I give?
How much do I give?
And why do I always feel like the hounds are shredding me apart, so no one gets a wholehearted share, but rather a ripped tidbit that surely is not my very best?
If I start my day out as the best whatever my career, surely I lack in the attention and love my children bid from me. Or commit myself to a great marriage and all the work it entails? Then does my career suffer?
I want to go back to school. I am 45 years old and not using my "God given talents"; as my husband puts it. The only way to not return to a lower tax bracket is to get an education. That would mean nights away from my children. One of my children is having a very hard time in school and deserves my full attention, academically. The other is a highly sensitive dynamic preteen. How much do I give to them? And how much do I give to me?
I have serious issues with selfishness/selflessness. Neither martyr nor diva. As an intelligent woman, I deserve happiness. I'll shout that from the mountaintop. I know it to be true.
But how do I do it? How much do I give?
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